Water Under The Bridge
by NeverlandAwaitsUs
Summary: He'd loved her since the moment they met, and still he'd let her go. The memories of their time together haunted them like a ghost until years later they meet again.
1. Hello, it's me

**Hello, it's me**

 _He was only a lad of fourteen years when she entered the class for the first time that morning in the middle of the school year. Blonde hair, green eyes, her new books pressed to her chest with a shy look on her face, looking for a free spot to sit._

 _For a moment he bit his bottom lip before her gaze found his and he smiled, nodding slightly to the empty seat next to him. Back row wasn't the best place to sit for sure but it was better than none. She seemed to consider it for a moment before she came over to him, placing her things on the desk and sitting down, looking at her books and the papers she probably got from the office._

" _I'm Killian", he said, turning around to her with an extended hand and a huge grin on his face. She looked up at him, then down at his hand and then back to his face before taking his hand in hers, squeezing slightly._

" _I'm Emma", she said with a smile on her lips and he knew within a heartbeat that he'd want to be friends with this girl._

* * *

Killian threw an arm over his eyes as the memories began to haunt him again. He had been in love with her from the first second their eyes had met and yet here he was, ten years later, alone and heartbroken in his nearly empty apartment that never really felt like home, an empty rum bottle dangling from his fingers as he lay on the couch.

He would never be at home here. Home were two beautiful green eyes and a smile so bright it could lighten up the darkest of nights.

She had always been his home but he'd been a fool, a dumb idiot who had thrown it away because he felt obligated to follow in Liam's footsteps.

A sigh left his mouth when he reached over to his phone buzzing on the table, scrolling through his contacts until he found her name and picture. It was one of the last ones he took of her before he left, knowing he was no better than anyone else and that he didn't deserve her.

He also knew that Emma wouldn't answer him. She'd never contacted him again but he just couldn't stop, so he found himself calling her from time to time, praying that one day she would accept his call and the apology that could never make up for what he did. Their love was still sitting in his bones like a ghost he couldn't control and he didn't even know if her number was still the same.

"Hello, it's me..."

* * *

" _Brother, do yourself a favor and just go over and tell her how you feel", Liam grunted, shoving at his shoulder._

 _Killian sighed and put his head on the table, careful not to spill any of his drink. "We're best friends, Liam. I don't want to ruin it", he mumbled against the hard wood of the table, making Liam groan even louder._

" _Every god damn idiot can see she feels the same. I swear to god, Elsa and Ruby and everyone else knows except you two." Liam started to poke him in the ribs now and Killian yelped, getting the attention from the girls who were sitting only two tables further away._

 _His face flushed bright red and he turned his gaze away but he could still hear them giggling softly. This was supposed to be a get together with friends, not some e_ _vening of love proclamations._

" _If you don't mind my saying brother, it took you a whole year to tell Elsa that you like her and you weren't even friends. You had nothing to lose", Killian said with a glare at the older man besides him before taking a sip of his drink._

 _Liam shoved at his shoulder again, ignoring his comment completely. "And you have been best friends ever since you met, long before you could even grow hair on your face. You know her better than anyone and yet you can't see it."_

 _Killian took a long gulp and got up, running a hand through his hair. "That's it, I'm leaving", he grunted, not in the mood to let Liam pester him anymore. He couldn't tell Emma that he was madly in love with her. He would ruin everything._

 _Ever since that day she had entered the class for the first time, they had been hanging out and had become closer and closer every moment. He'd known he was in love with her for a long time now, but he was only sixteen. What did he know of love?_

 _He left the garden they were sitting in through the back entrance, wanting to take the way home through the woods, but a gentle hand at his arm stopped him._

 _When he turned around, he met the surprised look in her eyes and couldn't help but smile. He always smiled when he saw her, his heart always skipped a beat and it was tearing him apart._

" _Why are you leaving so early?", she asked him, tilting her head to the side. He turned completely to her, taking in a deep breath and scratching behind his ear._

" _I don't really feel like partying tonight, sorry." He swallowed and looked down, shuffling a little with his feet until she laughed._

" _Me neither. Walk with me?" The smile on her face made his heart stop for a moment and he knew he couldn't refuse her._

 _She held her hand out to him and waited patiently until he took it, nodding. "Of course, love."_

* * *

He put his phone away after speaking on her voicemail, not knowing if she listened to any of them or just deleted them right away.

The night of their first kiss after the party was still clear to his eyes and so present in his mind, tugging at his heart so heavily he couldn't breathe for a moment. How her hands held onto the lapels of his leather jacket as she kissed him so hard and passionate that he thought he'd lose the ground beneath his feet.

Ever since then they'd been High School sweethearts, the kind you read about in novels, always touching and kissing and sneaking away into the broom closet to make out.

They did everything together and sometimes it clearly annoyed their friends but it wasn't really that bad. Even in the Yearbook they were voted cutest couple and just thinking of the picture made his eyes glassy. She had been seated on his lap, his arms around her and she was kissing his cheek in surprise when they were both supposed to look at the camera. The photographer chose to take this one to show that they really were the cutest couple.

Liam had always teased him endlessly about it but he didn't mind, knowing that his brother only held himself back with the PDA because he knew that Elsa's anxiety was nothing to make fun of. They were in the second place of cutest couple for sure.

Killian sighed, raising the bottle to his eyes and letting out a grunt when he realized that it really was empty and didn't magically refill itself.

Liam... his dearest brother, may his soul rest in peace. Losing him had changed everything within the blink of an eye. The loss of his brother had made him make a choice he still regretted.

* * *

" _Of course I'll call you later after he's arrived, love. You go and study with Ruby, I'll be fine", he said with a huge grin on his face. "I love you."_

 _He ended the call and shoved the phone back into his pocket, walking downstairs where Elsa was already waiting for him in the kitchen._

 _Killian took in a deep breath. "Bloody hell, this smells amazing", he said and went to stand next to Elsa, looking down at the stew she was making. It was Liam's favourite, a kind of tradition for when he came home._

 _His brother took his job in the Navy seriously, especially lately when he was supposed to become a Captain of his own ship. He had worked hard to achieve his goal and today he'd come back from his departure with either good or bad news._

 _It'd been two months since they'd seen him and he was grateful that Elsa was here, looking out for him whenever his brother was gone so that he wasn't_ _passed off to some foster guardian._

 _He never liked them, they were too strict and they weren't family but Elsa had become his family, just as Emma had. A bit of sadness tugged in his chest that she wouldn't be here when Liam brought the news. He liked to have her by his side, holding his hand, taking the anxiety right out of him with her presence, but she had important exams to study for._

 _'You never need to study, it's not fair', he heard her saying in his head and grinned. Normally he'd just kiss her to shut her up, something that always worked and-_

" _Ouch!", he_ _yelped_ _and glared playfully up at Elsa who had hit him with an empty box of ingredients._

" _I asked you if you'd get me some more potatoes from the basement, silly", she answered with a laugh and he pouted, nodding and making his way downstairs._

 _Liam would be here any moment and he was more than excited to finally have his brother back, the only father figure he had._

 _When the doorbell rang he almost dropped the bag of potatoes, just sprinted upstairs again and put it in the kitchen before making his way to the front door where Elsa was already standing._

 _A frown was forming on his forehead. The man was from the Navy but it wasn't his brother. He walked towards them, putting a hand on Elsa's shoulder. "What's going on?"_

 _But he didn't need to ask anymore questions when a sob slipped from her mouth_ _as she clutched a box to her chest with Liam's name on it._ _The Lieutenant in front of him giving them his condolences._

 _His brother wouldn't be coming home anymore._

* * *

The empty rum bottle flew across the room, shattering against the wall and he couldn't care less.

After Liam's death they had given him his old uniform and a sextant that had been meant to be a gift. From that moment on some kind of responsibility had overtaken him.

His brother was supposed to became a Captain after his last departure but died in a horrible accident. A bloody, stupid accident. He didn't even die a hero serving his country.

Killian and Elsa had sued the people responsible for it but it hadn't given them much peace. While Elsa had tried to get over it by spending time with family and friends, Killian had chosen the much sadder method of drinking and avoidance. Even Emma hadn't been able to reach him for the first few days, not even after hearing the news from Elsa.

He had locked himself in his room, only coming out when he was sure no one was there. He didn't want to answer calls from friends, he didn't want to answer calls from colleagues of his brother and he didn't want to plan the funeral.

It had been Emma in the end to get him out of his downward spiral.

* * *

" _I'm not leaving until you open the door, you know!", she yelled through the wood and he groaned, pressing a pillow over his head._

 _She had been there for three hours, yelling and talking and she just wouldn't shut up. He had told her over and over again that he didn't want to see anyone but she was just too stubborn._

" _I can start singing, you know", she said and he could literally see the sly grin on her face._

 _He took a deep breath and got up, unlocking and opening the door. He blinked into nothing for a moment before looking down, seeing how she was seated on the ground, staring up at him with a small smile._

 _His heart hurt at the sight. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her until now. She jumped to her feet and right into his arms, hugging him close. For a long moment he was just frozen in place, his hand still on the door handle before he finally let go, wrapping his strong arms around her._

" _I'm so sorry, Killian", she whispered and stroked his back. He closed his eyes, trying to take deep breaths but after weeks of just pushing everything down, he was too weak and too tired, exhausted of being alone, exhausted of being himself._

 _He bit his bottom lip hard when he started to shake, burying his face in the crook of her neck, holding onto her even more._

" _It's okay to cry."_

 _Those were the words that broke him as he let out a sob. He hadn't cried since he'd broken his foot three years ago, hadn't allowed himself to cry over his brother's death yet because someone had to be the strong one. That's what he had told himself at least._

 _She was leading them over to the bed where she sat down and urged him to lay his head on her lap, which he did._

 _She ran her fingers through his hair and placed a kiss on the top of his head as the sobs died down, his eyes closed. He didn't dare look at her._

" _See? Wasn't that hard to let me in, eh?"_

* * *

He wished she would offer her lap for him now like she had so many times back then.

She had helped him back into his normal life, made him enjoy things again, but the need to make Liam proud had been growing inside of him more and more.

When their last year in school started to come to an end, everyone was freaking out about college, studying hard. Emma had wanted to go into law for as long as he could remember and she had less time for him. He didn't mind, helping her study whenever he could.

But every time people asked him what he wanted to do with his life, he'd just shrugged, telling them he didn't know. Everyone believed him because he wasn't someone that would normally lie to people but boy, did he lie to all of them. Even Emma.

Ever since his brother's death, the idea of joining the Navy had come into his mind. Becoming the Captain that Liam had wanted to become but never got the chance. Making his brother proud.

He had looked into all the information he needed, spoke to old friends of his brothers about how he could apply and how everything would work out.

The more information he had gotten, the more he'd known he had to choose. The Navy or Emma. When they were younger, they had promised to go to college together and he couldn't bear the thought of telling her that he would leave.

But one day, he'd had to.

* * *

" _You said we needed to talk?", she asked with a hint of suspicion in her voice when she arrived at the playground they used to meet when they were younger._

 _He was seated on the back of a bench, head hanging low, hands not really knowing what to do._

" _Aye", he answered and swallowed, looking up at her. He could see in the way her face changed that she already knew that something was going on._

" _So? What does my prom king have to tell me?" She tried really hard to lighten up the situation with his joke but he couldn't give her back more than a crooked smile._

 _They really had become king and queen of prom only a few days ago and he actually had managed to have fun, shoving the bad thoughts into the back of his mind, telling her how much he loved her over and over again while dancing and drinking and enjoying their last time as students._

 _Their group of friends had all passed their exams, everyone was graduating and spreading out into the world soon enough but she was still thinking that they'd see the world together._

 _A foolish thought given the fact that he was about to destroy her hopes and dreams._

" _I'm leaving", he choked out and stood up so he could get a better look at her. Confusion was forming on her face and he sighed, knowing he had to explain. "I applied to join the Navy weeks ago but was too afraid to tell you. They'll move me to the West Coast for the time of my training."_

 _Emma was silent for a few seconds. To him they felt like hours, holding his breath, not knowing what she would say. Would she accept it? Try to continue a long distance relationship? Or would she break up with him? He really didn't know. Hell, he didn't even know what he wanted._

" _When?", she asked simply and he could hear that she was holding back a sob._

 _He avoided her gaze as he took a deep breath and answered with a whispered, "Tomorrow."_

* * *

Those words had been the biggest mistake of his life.

Emma had left him standing on the playground and he hasn't even known if she was mad or sad or something in between. He had decided to let her cool off, making sure Elsa let her know the time of his departure the next day. After saying goodbye to his sister in law at the airport, he waited until he almost missed the plane for Emma to show up.

She never did.

While he was in training he'd barely had any time to contact anyone, not even Elsa. It had been harder than he had expected but he'd made it through the weeks of torture.

A couple of weeks after he was officially declared a member of the Navy, he had gotten a letter from Emma. Not an email or a text but a letter. Way too formal for his taste.

The letter was the thing that had broken him most and he could still remember every single word that she had written down. Telling him how much she loved him but how she couldn't do this. How she needed someone to be at her side because everyone was leaving her. Telling him how he wasn't better than everyone else but that she had enjoyed their time together but that this was it.

After that, he never heard a word from her again. She didn't answer his calls or his messages.

When he had gotten back to Storybrooke for the first time in long weeks, Elsa had told him that Emma left to study law in Boston and he was happy for her that she was able to build a life, even if it was without him. All of his friends were gone and the love of his life too.

He had broken her heart and his too.

Killian groaned when a text came in and he looked at his phone, seeing that David had sent him some message. He almost dropped his phone when he looked at it.

 _'Hey there, Killian. I know we haven't talked in quite some time and I know what day it is and maybe this is a bad idea but Mary Margret and I wanted to invite you to Thanksgiving dinner in a few weeks. Elsa is coming too and we were afraid you might spend it alone, so give me a call if you're interested.'_

He had distanced himself even from his best friend after he got wounded during a mission. His eyes immediately found the scar that ran from elbow to hand, reminding him that he had lost everything over and over again.

It was only a couple of months after he'd been promoted to Captain that he got hit, nearly tearing his arm apart. The doctors had barely been able to save it, wanted to amputate at his wrist. He'd refused. Now he was stuck with barely any feeling in his left hand but it was better than being an obvious cripple. The scar, however, was a reminder of how his heart looked.

They had released him from his duty because he couldn't work in the Navy properly anymore with a destroyed hand and he refused to do desk work. That wasn't why he had chosen this path, that wasn't why he'd left Emma.

So he became the same man he had been after his brother's death, drinking himself into oblivion. But this time she wasn't there to save him. This time no one told him it would be okay. This time he couldn't put his head down on her lap.

This time, he had been all alone.

His first instinct was to ask if Emma was coming along too but he shook his head, knowing that he would sound pathetic half drunk. Sleeping it off was the best option for now. When he was sleeping, he felt no pain.

Not even on the day Liam died all those years ago.

* * *

It took him a couple of days to actually answer David but he agreed on driving over for a visit, knowing he needed to crawl out of his shell once in a while. Elsa would be there too, so it was kind of a family event anyway. David had been like a brother to him when they were younger and he hoped that it would still be that way even though they had both changed.

The couple was living in a small town in Tennessee, close to Nashville. They had always wanted to move closer to the city and he never really understood why. Still, he didn't care enough to ask. If it made them happy then it was fine.

After driving for hours his body started to hurt and he was quite tired. He had chosen to drive through the night so he could be there around lunch without getting stuck on the Highway. There was barely any traffic at night and he had insomnia to keep him awake anyway.

He felt himself drifting off as he drove slowly through the streets of this small ass town with all those pretty houses, trying to find the address that David had given him. He didn't expect it when someone came running full speed out of an alley and he had to stomp down on the breaks.

"What the fuck?!", the guy yelled at him but Killian just groaned, rolling his eyes and mumbling curses. He really was too tired for this shit right now.

For a second it looked like the man was going to yell at him some more but someone else was catching his attention and he crossed the street. Out of curiosity he looked after the man and within seconds he was sitting straight in his car and his eyes were wide open.

The guy was embracing a young woman that looked all too familiar. Long blonde hair with slight curls, green eyes and a smile that could light up the darkest of nights.

The air was pushed right out of his lungs and memories shot through his mind, letting all the pain back in. There was no doubt that it was her.

His Emma...no, not his anymore.

Not when she grabbed the man's hand and smiled at him like she used to smile at him. He huffed to himself, rubbing his eyes to make sure that it was actually real.

Now he knew the reason why she hadn't replied to him, had ignored his calls. She'd actually moved on and no matter how often he apologized for breaking her heart, she didn't care.

It didn't matter because it wasn't tearing her apart anymore.

So he sighed and shook his head and turned the car around, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. It would never be like it was before.

* * *

 _ **A/N** : This fic was originally supposed to end here as a 4k words One Shot but what can I say, I'm weak and love them too much. The next two chapters will come the next days, so look out for them! Thanks so much for reading :3_


	2. When We Were Young

When We Were Young

She heard what he was saying but she didn't understand a word. Walsh kept going about his work and family, about Nashville and the state in general while she was silently sipping her coffee on their way back to the small motel they'd settled into for the trip.

His words had no meaning to her, not anymore, and he was only talking about himself. They'd spend the afternoon together after that moron had almost ran her boyfriend over with his car. He hadn't asked her about her day once.

"And it's really okay to leave you with David and Mary Margret?" He questioned when they arrived at the motel, his car already packed with his bags.

Emma just nodded with a tired smile. Walsh had family in Nashville and wanted to visit them for Thanksgiving but she had no desire to tag along. Yes, they had been together for two years now but things had changed, so she would just stay at her best friends' place for the holidays. She and Walsh had spent a week in the small town as a vacation and she really had hoped things would change but nothing. She still felt empty, like something was missing.

"Of course. Go visit your family and I'll visit mine," she answered him and pressed a kiss to his cheek before he got into the car, closing the door, and mouthing 'I love you.'

She waved him goodbye and as soon as he was gone her smile dropped and she took a deep breath. Her family. David and Mary Margret were the only people she had left after Killian had gone to follow his dreams. She'd always thought she was his dream but she'd been wrong.

* * *

" _Emma, sweetheart, open the door."_

 _She pretended she didn't hear the voice of her best friend and the calm knock but she also knew that it was wrong to hide in her room, so she went over and let Mary Margret in, going back to her bed immediately._

" _He left me. Everyone is leaving me," she said and bit her bottom lip, hoping she wouldn't start to cry. She'd just lost the love of her life_ _and there was no way to change that._

" _That's not true and you know it," the black haired woman said with a smile and hugged her friend. Emma shook her head, looking at the clock above her door._

" _He's at the airport right now..." Her bottom lip quivered at the thought of him leaving her for good, hoping he would just turn around and come back, come through the door later, but she knew he wouldn't. He had made his choice and she wasn't it._

 _Mary Margret sighed and hugged her friend even closer. "And you're not going to tell him goodbye?"_

 _Emma just shook her head and gritted her teeth, taking a deep breath. "It's over." Maybe she was acting childish, maybe she should talk to him, but it felt like all her scars were ripped open by him leaving her. All the abandonment fears coming back, her years in the foster system, everything. He knew about her issues and yet he had been the one to leave after promising her so many times that he wouldn't._

" _He lied to me. He broke his promise."_

* * *

Her feet carried her back into the motel room where she laid down in bed, taking a deep breath before closing her eyes. She hated that, after all those years, she still thought about Killian way too often, especially lately. Walsh was so busy with work, always on his phone, not really paying attention to her while Killian had always been there when they were still together.

A small smile played across her lips thinking back to High School when everything had been fine. Random roses, surprise dates, cuddling and making out whenever it was possible. Just sweet Killian, the perfect boyfriend.

Well, perfect until the moment he left her and she was too stubborn to talk to him. It had pained her for months after he left, thinking she couldn't breathe, couldn't get over it until she'd met Walsh. He had been gentle and caring in the beginning but it was so different from how he was now. After she had refused his proposal, explaining it was too soon, he'd thrown himself into work. Maybe it was all her fault that she was slowly loosing another relationship now, maybe it had been her fault with Killian too. Maybe she just wasn't enough.

Without thinking she leaned over to her bag, grabbing her phone. It wasn't her new one, it was the one with the scratches and slightly broken screen and her old number.

'One New Voicemail' was on the screen and she didn't need to check for the name. It was from Killian, she knew it because no one else was using the number anymore.

It had become a habit of his to send her voicemails, sounding drunk in most of them, sober in others, but they always went the same. He tried to apologize, babbling on and on, trying to get her to answer him, to meet up with him, wanting to go over everything.

She never replied or called back. Hearing his voice broke her heart over and over again but it seemed that she'd become addicted to this pain, tearing old scars open again.

For a while she'd told herself that she was listening to all his voicemails because she hoped that one day, it would stop hurting her. It never did. How a teenage romance could hurt for so long, she had no idea. Everyone always said that the first love wouldn't be the last one, that it would stop hurting one day, but how was it possible that her heart still ripped open just by thinking about him?

She played the voicemail, listening to him. A silent sob left her throat, followed by a huffed laugh. The slur in his voice wasn't so obvious this time, but he said the same things as usual. He was a fool. She was one too but there was no going back now.

He had been a chapter in her life, one that was over now, but somehow it felt like she had dog-eared his page so she could revisit even through she didn't want to.

Emma put the phone away and curled into a ball, drifting off to sleep slowly, trying to clear her mind, but she wasn't able to ignore the image of blue eyes and a bright smile.

* * *

 _The teacher was trying to explain math to them but Emma's mind had drifted off already, thinking of the future she had with Killian - going to college together, maybe living in a little apartment instead of dorms - and she couldn't stop grinning when the door to the classroom was suddenly pulled open._

" _Crimson flag ahead! Crimson flag ahead!" Someone yelled and she had to look twice to actually recognize Victor Whale yelling like a madman, getting everyone's attention. What the hell was he doing in her class? He was supposed to be on the soccer field with the other guys, having an extra practice today._

" _What?," her teacher just asked in confusion just as Victor collapsed on the ground, two other guys from the team walking in, pulling him aside on his feet, cleaning the dirty floor in the progress._

" _Make way for the Captain!" Jefferson shouted, walking into the room, dressed in a ridiculous outfit and Emma swallowed, getting a bad feeling in her stomach. She slumped a little more down into her seat. She knew exactly who the Captain of the team was._

 _And there he came, rolling in on a skateboard that was disguised as a...ship? Oh for fucks sake, what was this boy doing, standing on it, smirking proud while wearing a heavy looking black coat, a hook instead of his hand._

" _We took control over the ship, please hand out your cargo and other valuable items and we will leave without harming anyone," he said and more guys from the team walked in, including David and Graham._

 _Emma threw a glance to the teacher who was just looking amused instead of actually doing something and then her eyes met Killian's. She gulped hard when he got that predatory smirk on his face and she moved down her chair even further. Her boyfriend was the most embarassing dork ever._

" _What do my eyes see? You have a princess on board, Captain Smith?" He asked and turned towards the teacher who just shrugged._

 _Killian jumped off the skateboard, his little ship, and moved over to her, hand on a plastic sword as he put the most swag he could come up with in his walk. The class laughed a little and her cheeks went pink._

" _Mates! I think I just found the most valuable thing on board! A real princess!" He yelled, probably loud enough for the next room to hear, and his teammates looked up at him while Ruby started to snort next to her._

 _Emma gave him the 'What are you doing?' look she had given him so many times before but that didn't stop him from breaking character._

" _Well then, change of plans. I will let your crew go if you come with me, Princess. Sail to the distant island called 'Prom' with me and no one will get harmed," he said with a huge grin on his face and within seconds the whole class was silent, the laughing and giggling had stopped and Emma's eyes were about to fall out._

 _She had expected him to ask her to prom, of course, but not like this. Maybe with a rose over dinner but not this...public. Her whole face was red now and she swallowed when he reached out with his hand._

" _Sail to Prom with me?" He asked again, more quietly now, his blue eyes shining so bright that she could only nod and grab his hand._

 _Killian pulled her out of her seat, moving his hand under her knees and lifting her up bridal style, ignoring her gasp._

" _Well then, Captain Smith, your crew may sail wherever you were going but this princess and I will head in another direction," he declared loudly, the teacher just smiling at them and nodding._

 _He got onto the skateboard with her in his arms, boarding his ship before he nodding at his teammates, then they were all leaving the classroom._

 _She was pretty sure the whole thing went into the school's history as the most creative promposal ever._

* * *

Emma woke up with a groan. It had been a stupid idea to listen to his voicemail. Of course he would haunt her dreams. She should have been dreaming of Walsh, her boyfriend, the man who wanted to marry her. Not of her Ex that left her and broke her heart so much she thought she could never love again.

But even though it was painful, it was one of her favorite memories. Ruby had teased her for so long after the Promposal, would probably still be doing it if she and Killian were still be together.

She rolled onto her back and checked her phone. It was briefly after midnight. She hadn't realized she'd slept that long.

It was weird that so many memories of him were flashing through her mind now. Maybe it was just her visiting David and Mary Margret, knowing that they were close to Killian too. Maybe it was the fact that Elsa would also be there. Maybe it was because she might hear what he was up to. She shouldn't be interested, but you never forget your first love and she was curious. Was he a Captain now like he'd wanted to be? Did he reach his goal? That would explain why he never came looking for her.

With a huff she got out of bed. She needed air. She went outside to the parking lot of the motel. The lights were out in all the rooms. Everyone seemed to be asleep as she sat down on a bench, looking up at the night sky full of stars.

Someone was closing a car door and she looked around, finding a man carrying something in his arms. Looked like he went to the gas station to get food. She laughed briefly because he was doing it in the middle of the night. She remembered how Killian and she went into a 24 hour store simply to get some Ice Cream in the middle of the night.

The man walked past her without paying her attention and she looked at him for a little longer, turning her eyes back to the sky when she saw that he had lost something, a bag of chips laying directly next to her feet.

"Hey!" She called out and he stopped, turning around on his feet. "Catch!" She threw the bag towards him and he reached out for it but it fell to the ground. She frowned in confusion. He was only carrying something under his right arm and his right hand, he should have been able to catch a bag of chips.

Shaking her head, she walked over to him and bowed down, grabbing the bag and pressing it into his hand before looking up at him. If she hadn't given him the bag already, she would have dropped it too.

It was him.

Killian.

Right in front of her.

Within seconds her instinct to run settling in and she took a step back, absolute horror on her face while he just looked pained. It was too dark to see anything clearly, the street lamp not giving them much light but there was no doubt that it was him. She would always recognize him.

His hair was a little longer now, he seemed to have more scruff and he was obviously bigger but she would never forget the features of the man who told her so many times that he loved her.

"Hello, love," he said and his voice was way too calm. Did he know she would be here? Did David invite him too? Did they plot to make them meet up so they could talk like he always wanted to?

"I...I need to go," she mumbled out and just turned around, jogging in the other direction, away from the motel, away from him. There were no sounds of other footsteps behind her. He wasn't following her.

When she was slightly out of breath she stopped and turned around, standing in the middle of the road further into town, running a hand over her face. That didn't just happen. It was ridiculous.

Without a second thought she called David, not caring that it was past midnight, he would move his ass out of bed and answer her.

It took a while before he picked up but she didn't even let him greet her. "Did you invite Killian?" She asked and it came out way angrier than she actually was. She wasn't mad. She was confused and hurt.

"Did you meet him?" The sleepy voice from the other end asked and Emma groaned. That was basically a yes.

"How could you do that without telling me? I'd have never come! I'm leaving!" She almost yelled into the phone, probably waking some people sleeping in the house next to her but she couldn't care less.

"Emma, we know that Walsh has to pick you up first." David sounded as frustrated as she was and she cursed under her breath.

"I can take the bus. The train. A fucking plane, I don't care! How could you not mention that my Ex is coming too?" She hissed into the phone, walking further down the street before someone made a noise complaint.

"Listen, Emma. He has no one and since Elsa was coming here, we thought it'd be the right thing to invite him too. We didn't expect him to come and we didn't expect you to run into him," he explained in a calm voice but it wasn't calming her at all. The man was sleeping in the same motel as her, how was she supposed to close an eye when he was down the hall?

She hated that her heart made a tiny jump when David said Killian had no one. No girlfriend. That he was still missing her as much as he claimed in those voicemails. Maybe she should let him talk to her, at least once. Ten minutes tops even though she really didn't know what talking would change. Maybe they would find closure so the heartbreak would be gone.

"I have to hang up now, see you tomorrow," she said quickly into the phone, ending the call and shoving it back into her pocket.

A chill ran down her spine and she decided to walk back to the motel, the nights were getting colder every day. Her mind was filled with questions and no answers.

When she arrived she looked around carefully, hoping he had gone to his room. All lights were out, he wasn't in the parking lot and so she assumed that it was safe to go back to her room to curse her friends and her life some more. She wasn't emotionally prepared for all of this but she was glad that Walsh wasn't here. He was a jealous person and if he saw how she hoped Killian would look at her, it would end in a disaster.

* * *

 _She had called him ten minutes ago and was anxious for him to arrive. Her tired body was pacing the room like a lion in a cage and she just couldn't calm down._

 _The nightmare had felt too real and her whole body was shaking but she didn't want to wake her foster parents up because of that._

 _After a few more minutes there was a knock at the window and she opened it and saw him sitting on the big tree next to it, a smile on his face before he climbed inside._

 _With a quick step forward and he wrapped her into his arms, placing a soft kiss on her head. "I'm here now, love."_

 _He would always come to her rescue, no matter if it was a nightmare, a fight with her parents or anything else. Just one call and he would get to her as quickly as possible, even climbing that stupid tree just to get to her because the front door was not an option at 3am._

 _"Thank you," she mumbled against his shoulder and her shaking became a little less._

 _"Lay down before you freeze to death," he said and pushed her over to the bed slightly, closing the door behind him. She slipped under the blanket and watched how he took of his shoes and his jacket, laying down next to her above the covers._

 _His fingers played with a strand of her hair while they just looked at each other, her breath calming down more and more. He was always her anchor when times got rough and she was more than grateful for that._

" _Do you want to talk about it?" He asked her in the darkness of the room and she moved closer to him, rolling him onto his back and placing her head on his chest, listening to his_ _steady_ _heartbeat._

" _I was back in all those foster homes who just saw me as a meal ticket, who treated me like shit," she whispered and sniffed. He took her hand and placed a kiss on the cigarette burn on the back._

 _She had told him these stories before, about the bad homes and the good homes, about the abuse she had gone through, about all those nights she had cried herself to sleep. He knew about her issue with nightmares, that her old life came back to haunt her from time to time._

" _It's all over now. No one is going to send you back anymore and I'll always be by your side," he mumbled at the soft skin of her hand and she smiled, looking up to place a kiss against his jaw._

" _Always?" She asked and bit her bottom lip, not sure if he really meant it. She couldn't lose him, not him. Her heart wouldn't be able to take it._

" _Always."_

 _She snuggled closer to him and let out a breath she'd been holding. He was the one person in her life that made her feel like home, like she had finally arrived somewhere._

 _"Tell me a story?" Her eyes were closed and maybe he'd be able to calm her down more with his voice, making her fall asleep._

* * *

Emma huffed when she got out of the shower, shaking her head. The cold water had done nothing to calm her down like she had hoped. Memories started to haunt her even more now and maybe she should have used hot water to burn the thoughts away instead of just freezing them.

It was hard to think about how everything had been when they were young. They were careless and free and had no worry in the world when they were together. Now, after seeing him all these years later, it felt like she knew him and didn't at the same time. Like they were strangers again.

Was he still the boy he used to be? With the huge smile on his lips even though he wouldn't smile for her anymore?

Would his arms still feel like home?

* * *

 _A/N: Alright, second part done, hopefully you enjoyed Emma's POV! The prom scene was honestly one of the favourite things I've ever written so far haha. Part Three will be up soon, thank you for reading and reviewing, it makes my day :3_


	3. Can't Let Go

**CAN'T LET GO**

He hesitated before knocking at his friend's door. Maybe Emma was already here and he should just turn around and leave her alone. The thought of watching her and her boyfriend had tormented him all night long after seeing her again, closer this time.

When she ran from him he had laughed in pure desperation. All those time he had called her and yet, she still ran from him. Probably the right choice, he wasn't the boy he used to be anymore.

He was damaged and broken, he was a mess who couldn't get his life right anymore.

His hand was raising again to knock at the door but it had already opened, Mary Margaret's face appearing in front of him. "How long are you planning to stand there? We saw you coming ten minutes ago", she said with a soft smile and pulled him into her arms.

If she noticed how shitty and tired he looked, she didn't mention it.

It took only a few moments for David to appear at the door, pulling him into a brief hug. "It's good to see you, Killian."

"Likewise, mate." He was able to give them a small grin before walking inside, his grin turning into a soft smile when he saw his sister in law sitting in the couch, playing with the small two year old on the ground.

The pain in his chest was only brief and he shook his head a little while images of a future flashed in front of his eyes, a future he had screwed up.

"Killian!" Elsa said with a huge smile and put the stuffed animal down, walking over to him with fast steps and wrapping her arms around him. They hadn't seen each other in quite a while and it felt good to see the woman his brother had loved so much.

"Hey there", he mumbled and placed a kiss to her hair before she pulled away, hands on his shoulders, looking him up and down with a sad smile.

She knew about his drinking issues, about the insomnia, about the pain in his hand that wasn't even there because he wasn't able to feel anything.

He looked around nervously, trying to see if Emma was already here and it seemed like Elsa was sensing his thoughts in the way his eyes were dull and he bit his bottom lip.

"She's not here yet", she whispered to him even through Mary Margaret and David already walked off into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"Did you know?" he asked with a tilt of his head but she shook hers in return.

"Not until yesterday evening, but I heard you saw her. Are you okay?" The worry was literally dripping in her voice and he ran a hand through his hair, shrugging slightly. He didn't know if he was okay, didn't know if he'd ever be. Seeing her again like this had throwing him off balance and he'd prefer to go back into moping and drinking.

David came back from the kitchen and went over to pick his son up, putting him on his lap while sitting down on the couch before he motioned Killian over.

"That's Killian. Killian, that's Leo." He introduced them and the little boy looked a little shy but Killian just held his hand out with a small smile, waiting for the kid to take it which he did after a moment.

"He's a cute one", he said in his heavy accent and sat down next to David who just nodded.

"The best kid you could wish for. Ruby and Victor are coming too, by the way. The announced themselves after you agreed and you know how she is. If her friends are all in one place, she can't miss it," the blond man said with a laugh but Killian just swallowed.

If they were all together, they wouldn't be able to avoid digging up old stories from High School. Stories that had branded themselves into his mind, stories that had made him happy before but now only caused him pain. He wouldn't be able to stand listening to those stories while Emma was all doey eyed with her new boyfriend.

But maybe it was exactly what he had to get through to finally get over her. All he ever wanted in life was her to be happy, if she was happy with her new guy, then it would be okay. One day. Maybe.

* * *

"And you send Walsh away because...?", Ruby asked, half turned in her seat to be able to look at Emma who was sitting in the back seat.

"Because I don't want him around when I'm finally together with all my friends", she said with a groan and it felt like she had been explaining it for the last ten minutes.

"And your Ex?" Ruby whistled and Emma could hear how Victor was coughing, probably trying to hide a laugh.

"How did you know?" Emma asked and her friend just laughed, waving her hand in the air.

"I know everything. Who knows, maybe you'll be able to fix it", the brunette said and looked way too hopeful for Emma's taste.

She just shook her head, there was nothing to fix. Their relationship had been broken years ago and she was more or less happy in her new one. There wasn't even the possibility of being friends again because a tiny part of her would always love him. He had been her first everything, first real friend, first kiss, first boyfriend, first time. He had hold her heart and crushed it right in front of her. There was no fixing.

She hated that her hands were sweaty when they arrived at their friend's place. Why was she nervous to meet the man who had broken her heart? She shouldn't care about it and yet it felt like someone was stabbing her with a knife.

They went inside and everyone greeted each other and Emma could swear that Mary Margret got a little teary, seeing all their friends together like that.

Only Killian was nowhere to be seen and she ignored the slight feeling of disappointment that raised inside of her at the thought that he may have left and wouldn't come at all.

But when the noises of heavy steps sounded in the stairway, everyone turned to look and Killian stopped halfway down.

"Why is everyone looking at me?" He asked with a slightly confused voice, avoiding looking at Emma but she knew he had seen her in the way his eyes shifted and his face fell slightly.

Ruby immediately waved her arms and he walked down, letting himself get pulled into a hug. After another hug from Victor he turned towards Emma, probably more because it was the gentleman thing to do, not because he wanted.

"Swan", he said with a quick nod and for fucks sake, it wasn't supposed to hurt like that.

Using last names wasn't a bad thing. Not at all. He had done it before but back then it was a term of endearment and you were able to hear the love in his voice every time her last name fell from his lips.

This time it was short and cold, more like a business meeting and not the reunion of old lovers. They were strangers and it hurt her more than it should.

"Jones", she greeted back, forcing a smile on her lips and the way his eyebrow raised told her that he knew that the smile was anything but friendly.

She ignored the curious looks of their friends, the sadness in Mary Margaret's look, the rolled eyes of Ruby, the confusion on the men's faces.

"Emma, where's Walsh?", David asked and looked even more confused.

"He's with his family beca-"

"Because she didn't want him to be around her friends", Ruby finished for her and earned an angry glare as an answer.

She noticed how Killian's eyes were switching between the two of them, his forehead furrowed slightly.

He looked so different now that she was able to see him in daylight. His scruff was thicker and his hair was longer for sure. His blue eyes were dull, not as bright as they used to be and he looked tired.

Only a moment later his eyes found hers and she blushed, embarrassed that she got caught staring at him and she looked away immediately.

This would be a hell of a night.

* * *

If he was honest, he felt out of place here.

His best friends were all here and yet, he felt no real connection to them because he had been a shitty friend for years. He barely called, texted, skyped or visited, ignored most connections to his life before the Navy.

A mistake he noticed now. Everyone was so close, chatting while sitting on the couch around the small table while he was sitting on a blanket with a sleeping Leo in his lap. The boy had fallen asleep on him at some point during their playing session and he didn't have the heart to stand up.

So while the little lad was snoring on him, he listened to the conversations everyone. David talked with Victor about being a father and how exhausting it was but that he really loved it. Victor told David about the year he had spend in Africa as a doctor and how shitty these people lived.

Elsa was in the kitchen, preparing her special Thanksgiving salad with the secret recipe that no one was allowed to know and no one dared to look, knowing they'd probably get murdered.

Ruby was chatting with Mary Margaret and Emma, telling them the new gossip about people he never heard about before but while the one friend was listening to her, the other one kept throwing glances at him.

He knew that Emma tried to be subtle but she had never been good at that when it came to him. Since their first weeks as a couple he had always known when she had planned a surprise, had always known what she got him for his birthday or Christmas, it was really not her strength.

It wasn't unpleasant at all but it was confusing him. Were the old memories haunting her like they were haunting him? Was that why she was looking at him over and over again? He really couldn't explain it but he knew he was doing the same. Looking at her, his eyes barely leaving her and holding her gaze when she was looking at him.

There was no way of denying that he still had feelings for her, that there was still the flame in his body that grew every time she looked at him and he was quite sure that he wasn't just in love with the memory of her.

He was in love with her present self as much as her past self.

But she had moved on and loving her would only going to hurt him. On the other hand, he probably deserved all the pain in the world for hurting this wonderful woman, no matter how much in the past it was.

Elsa came back from the kitchen and sat down on the blanket next to him, smiling at Leo and then at him, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"I'm really happy you came here", she said quietly and he nodded, despite the feeling of being misplaced.

"I'm sorry I haven't been a better brother to you", he sighed and she looked up at him, ruffling his hair a little while shaking her head.

"It's okay, Anna and Kristoff where there for me and I knew you just needed time to find yourself."

He was glad that she was so understanding to the whole situation, she had lost her husband after all. Killian remembered too well how Elsa's anxiety got worse after the days of Liam's death and that she was barely able to hold herself together. Sometimes he was so selfish that he forgot that it had been hard for her too.

"Not sure if I did", he whispered as an answer, looking down at his hand, the huge scar hidden behind his long sleeved shirt.

* * *

She had been a fool to think this would be easy.

This was the hardest thing she had done in years and it was fucking her up on the inside. The way he had been sitting there with the child on his lap, quietly talking to Elsa and boy, she would have paid with some blood to hear that conversation.

The whole evening he had been acting absolutely polite when it came to her and she wanted to strangle him for it. They haven't talked or spent actual time together but whenever interaction was necessary, he had been nice.

Why couldn't he hate her as much as she thought she hated him? Why couldn't he outright ignore her, be mean to her? It would make hating him so much easier, it would make everything easier.

But here she was, seated across from him during their Thanksgiving dinner and with the same butterflies in her stomach she had felt the first time she had walked into the class all those years ago.

It wasn't fair. She had Walsh and she used to be happy with him too but now Killian walked back into her life just like that and threw her off balance.

The voicemails where nothing against his sad eyes and forced smile. He looked like he hadn't felt alive for years and it dawned to her that she didn't either.

What she had with Walsh was nothing like what she used to have with Killian and for some stupid reason, she wanted it back. The spark, the love, the feeling of being at home.

She had lost her home the day he had left her.

Was it selfish of her? Maybe.

Did she feel bad about it? Maybe.

Was she sorry? Not really.

She had planned to end things with Walsh a while ago anyway and had only been with him these last few weeks because she had been a coward, not wanting to tell him that it's over because he obviously still loved her, in his own way.

But sitting next to Mary Margaret and David who were very much in love with a child on their own and seeing Ruby and Victor flirt like they did in High School made her remember what she was missing the most.

The person who sat across from her and who was looking down his plate while he listened to what David was grateful for.

She missed him, had been missing him all those years and maybe everything she had told herself had been to heal her own wounds, ignoring that he had some too.

"Killian, your turn", David said and clapped his friend on the back who looked a bit dumbfounded at him before he stood up, shifting from one leg to another.

"I'm grateful for...uhm...", he paused and Emma looked at him with curious eyes. It made her sad that he didn't seem to know what he was grateful for and she wondered how he had spend the last years of his life.

"I'm grateful for my friends and the best sister in law", he smiled at all of them but didn't give Emma one glance into her direction. The pain tugged at her heart even though it was exactly what she had wanted.

She had wanted him to ignore her to make it easier but now that he did, it felt wrong, so so wrong.

"And the memories of a better time." His voice wasn't more than a whisper after he had turned his head to look at her, his blue eyes literally drilling a hole in her head with the intense stare and it took a cough from Ruby to pull him back into reality and to make him sit down.

If she wasn't so determined of actually surviving this night, she would have said something or maybe even let out a sob. It was confusing and painful all at once and she really didn't know how long she could kept going like this.

Emma stood up and took a deep breath, trying to remember the list she had made in her head with all the things she was grateful for.

"I'm grateful for you people for inviting me to get to eat this delicious food", she started and everyone around the table laughed and she could swear she could even see a smile tugging at Killian's lips. "I'm grateful for my job and that life turned out better than I thought. I'm grateful to have you guys, you're my real family."

She smiled at all of them, even at Killian but his eyes were somewhere else and she sighed before sitting down.

"Not for Walsh?" Ruby suddenly said with a teasing tone in her voice and Emma's eyes widened, her cheeks growing hot.

"Walsh too, of course!" She added quickly but only got a wolfish grin from her friend.

"Of course",she whistled and the round went on but she spaced out, not really listening to them.

* * *

He hadn't been able to meet Emma's eyes when she told him that she was grateful for everyone because they were her family because he didn't know if he was really included or if she just said it to be nice.

Was he really still part of her family? It sure didn't feel like it. If he would have looked at her, she would have seen the hope in his eyes and he really didn't want that. Yes, he was hoping they could somehow fix all this, had been hoping for years but she had a boyfriend.

One she had forgotten to mention during her small speech and he wasn't going to deny that it made him feel better than it should but what could he say, he had always been a selfish man and it only got worse over the last years.

The dinner went on quietly and he was really happy that no one was talking about old High School stories or anything, talking about their new lives instead while he kept quiet. He didn't need to share stories of his pathetic self.

"You know what we guys should do when we're done?" Ruby suddenly asked with a way too happy smile on her lips and that could only mean trouble for them.

The group groaned slightly but no one answered her so she just went on. "Seven minutes in heaven! Like in the old days!"

"No!" He and Emma said at the same time, looking at Ruby, then at each other before looking down on their plates. They didn't see Ruby's satisfying smile like she just had proven that there was water on Mars.

 _Heavy kissing._

 _Groaning and moaning._

 _The tearing of clothes to get to feel the skin of the other as fast as possible._

 _Three words falling from his lips over and over again._

 _Her giggles filling the tiny space._

 _A tender kiss before two voices yell "Time's up!"_

The tips of his ears were colored in a shade of red, he didn't need to look into a mirror to know that. When he looked up, he could see the same color on her cheeks and she just knew she remembered the same moment.

He gulped hard but got pulled out of his thoughts when Leo was tugging on his leg, stretching arms up in the air.

"Killy!", the young boy exclaimed and Killian smiled before lifting the boy up, placing him on his lap which seemed to be the new favorite place of the kid.

He was really happy for his friends that they have their own family now, something especially Mary Margaret had always talked about. It made him feel like shit that he had missed their wedding and the birth of their child and he was really surprised that they were still friends and had invited him here for such a family event.

Killian wasn't paying attention when Leo took the full wine glass and knocked it over, spilling it all over the both of them, starting to cry as soon as the glass shattered on the ground.

"Oh bloody hell." He immediately stood up, holding the kid away from his dripping shirt and Mary Margret was already coming over, taking the crying kid into her arms. "I'm sorry, it's my fault", he said and bit his bottom lip, watching how his white shirt was already straining with red. Perfect.

"It's fine", David said and sighed, ruffling Leo's hair to calm him down. "We'll take care of him really quick. Can someone get the piece of glass? And you should really try to get the wine out of the shirt."

Killian shot his friend an unamused smile before he walked towards the bathroom, not noticing that Emma was following him while Ruby looked at them with a grin, Elsa with a smile and Victor just groaned and got up to clean the mess on the ground.

"Let me help you", Emma's soft voice came from behind him and he spun around on his heels, not expecting to see her behind him in the bathroom.

"I can do this alone, thank you very much", he grumbled back at her, he wasn't some child that needed help.

"We both know that you're shit when it comes to laundry", she answered and just held her hand out, waving it around to tell him to take his shirt off without actually saying the words.

He winced when he remembered the incident of him doing laundry and his and her clothes both turning a different color. Back then they had laughed about it, now it just made his heart hurt.

His right hand started to open up the shirt while he just moved to lean against the sink with his left arm. For her it probably just looked like he was trying to be cool but it was a fact that he wasn't able to open buttons with his left, destroyed hand, he just didn't feel enough in his fingers for such fumbling.

When he handed her his shirt he saw how she let her eyes wander over his shirtless form, he never bothered to wear anything under it. His left arm went around to his back, hiding the long scar while he moved over.

Killian jumped on the washer while he watched her work, his feet dangling closely over the ground. The silence was killing him, he wanted to tell her so much but he couldn't get a word out.

"What's up with the scar?" She suddenly said and he cringed at her words. He had hoped he had been able to hide the nasty looking thing but it she had always been a perceptive lass.

"Got it on a mission. Fucked up my arm pretty badly and they wanted to take my hand to save the nerves. I refused and now I can barely feel a damn thing there", he told her with a shrug like it was nothing.

"Guess that would have been a good reason to attach a hook then, so you could really be Captain Hook", she said with a soft smile on her lips and for the first time of the night, a honest smile formed on his lips as well.

"You remember." He made it sound like it was the most surprising thing ever even though he knew that his Promposal was one of the most popular one in their school.

"I remember every moment we have spent together", she answered in a quiet voice and looked up from washing his shirt for a moment. Her eyes were honest and he felt himself blush, looking on the ground between his feet.

"Me too", he sighed out and bit his bottom lip and it felt like his heart was ripping him apart from the inside. He just wanted to pull her into a hug, damn the consequences but he just couldn't. "But I guess being a pirate Captain wasn't that exciting anymore after I lost my princess."

Honest words falling from his lips, dripping with regret and guilt before he could stop himself. She stilled in her movements, frozen into place and he opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He had to think before he spoke or he would just scare her off.

"You didn't lose me. You left me", she said without looking up while scrubbing his shirt like a mad woman.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She was right, of course. "And I have regretted every single moment since then."

"I'm aware of that." Her voice was so quiet that he barely heard it and he frowned at her respond. How would she-

The moment it dawned to him his face softened and he raised both eyebrows in surprise, a small smile playing on his lips.

"The voicemails. You listened to them." He shouldn't sound so happy because most of them were really pathetic. But when she listened to them it meant that she thought about him too from time to time. It sadly also meant that she never cared about to call him back even though she knew how he felt.

She turned around to him and pressed the wet shirt to his chest without looking at him. "You should ask David for one of his. This is the best I can do."

Emma was about to leave him, pushing past him but he turned around and wrapping his left hand around her wrist, wishing he could feel the warmth that was radiating from it.

"Wait", he whispered and she stopped, turning around to look at him. He could see how glassy her eyes were and it broke his heart, he had never been good in seeing how she cried, it was is least favorite thing in the world.

"What?", she asked and swallowed while looking him right into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Emma. For everything." He knew that he had apologized so many times but this was the first time he did it in person, face to face. Her super power of knowing when people lied was probably still working and she could see in his eyes that it was the truth.

"I know", she answered and for a second she smiled before she moved out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

He realized that he wouldn't be able to fix his mistake, it was simply too late now.

* * *

While Killian was up on the second floor with David and Mary Margaret, she went over to Elsa who was sitting on the couch and scrolling through the phone. She could see a picture of Liam that the other woman was staring at and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I miss him too", Emma said and Elsa looked up, smiling at her.

"We all do. He would have loved to be together like this", the other blonde said and Emma nodded.

In the beginning she had blamed Liam for the fact that Killian had left her but she realized that it was stupid to think things like that, no one was to blame but themselves. Killian because he was too stubborn and herself because she didn't fight enough for him.

Maybe their lives would have turned out differently if Liam hadn't died, maybe it would still turned out in the same way, somehow.

When they were just kids they thought they were invincible and no one could tear them apart and now? Now they were sad shadows of themselves, a relationship that just didn't work out.

But the urge to give him a second chance was strong. She had seen how sorry he was, how bad he felt and she sighed, sitting down next to Elsa.

"Can you tell me what happened to him during all those years?", she asked her friend, a little afraid she sounded too nosy and that it wasn't any of her business but Elsa just nodded.

The story she heard wasn't pretty at all. Elsa told her about him joining the Navy, how heartbroken and sad he was but that he reached his goal of being a Captain, that he was so proud and that he had hoped Liam would be proud too. She told her about the incident on the mission that nearly cost him his hand and that he got literally thrown out. The drinking part broke her heart the most because once upon a time, she had been the one to stop him from it and she felt bad that she hadn't been there for him the second time.

Their rather sad conversation ended when Ruby and Victor came back from their walk they had taken outside, full from turkey and all the other food and only moments later the other three came downstairs, Leo put away in bed already.

The rest of the evening was uneventful and soon enough, Ruby and Victor decided to leave. Emma decided to stay a little longer and that she would just take a cab or the bus back to the motel later. Soon enough, David and Mary Margaret had fallen asleep on the couch, exhausted from preparing dinner and being parents. Elsa was upstairs, looking after little Leo.

Emma leaned against the doorway while she looked at her friends with a soft smile, sighing heavily when she realized that she could have this too.

Her head turned so she could look at Killian in the kitchen, how he cleaned up the rest and put away the leftovers.

She could have it with him, if she'd let him in again.

After taking a deep breath she walked over to him and put a hand on his scarred arm to stop him from what he was doing. He looked up at her in surprise, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm going to leave, let them sleep and tell them I left if they wake up, alright?", she asked quietly and he nodded.

When she made a move to walk to the front door, he followed her, walking her towards it.

"Goodbye, Swan", he said, smiling at her and she couldn't help but to smile back.

"Goodbye, Killian."

She was out of the door and he was about to close it when she turned around once more, looking straight at him.

"I'm sorry, too."

* * *

He had spent the night on the couch after the love birds went to bed but he hadn't slept all too much, Emma's words whirling around in his head the whole night.

She was sorry too.

Did they have a chance? He didn't know. Perhaps they had but she hadn't really made another move. It made him happy to just know that she wasn't angry at him anymore, that she was sorry too.

When he drove back to the Motel his eyes scanned the parking lot but she was nowhere to be found. He went over to the reception but they told him she had already checked out and his heart sank down deep.

He bit his bottom lip and shook his head, walking back to his own room but frowning when he stepped on a little piece of paper when he opened the door.

It had his name in her handwriting on it, he would always recognize it. He opened the folded paper carefully and closed the door with his feet.

 _'Maybe you want to call me, for real this time. To, you know, go over everything.'_

Her number was right under it and he smiled so bright that his cheek started to hurt.

Maybe, just maybe, there was a second chance for them.

A future.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Here you go, the third and final part of this little story. I'll let it up to you to decide if he deserves a second chance or if it's too late for them to start over ;) Thank you so much for reading and sharing, it means a lot to me!_


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